she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize