I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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