laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
