did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
