when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
