yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
