So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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