just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize