My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
