I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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