The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need a beard to bite.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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