someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
