overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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