i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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