alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
