At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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