See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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