what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
