saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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