we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
