are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize