Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
