i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
