Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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