just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
is wine microwaveable?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
