Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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