Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
