shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
