I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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