capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
