i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize