I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
