well I can't set my house on fire every night
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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