Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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