im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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