Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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