At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
