Already got asked if we're dating
i permit you to call me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
