So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
