all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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