He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
