What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
