Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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