I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
