I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
