I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
