like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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