dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
