Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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