whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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