Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
