i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
