im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
