he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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