i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
