I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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