...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
