I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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