I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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