oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize