I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
