I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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