tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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