I think I died a long time ago.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize