i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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