Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
