you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
