I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
