i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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