I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
