508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
