Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
