I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
