Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
is that a dick in a sweater?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
