Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
