I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
