so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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