I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
