I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
