YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
