i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
