omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
