He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize