Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
