He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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