FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
