ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
