it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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