I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize