Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sorry my hands just texted you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
