I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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