i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
