So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Houston, we have a blender
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
