They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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