her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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