so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
