matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
