Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i think my cat just said my name.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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