sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
