I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
