girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize