He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
