im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
