He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
