we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
