the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize