My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
