My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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