Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
