Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
