I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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