Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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