Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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