You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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