Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize