mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
