I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
