did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
