You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
