We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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