i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
