i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
