How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
