fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
