what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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