dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
