Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
accomplished twins. life is a go
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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