you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
