I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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